Growing Pains
by LadyLannister97
Summary: The Ugly Truth if it was a movie adaption. Greg, now older and more mature, goes through the awful phase that is puberty. He's got zits, pimples, and gross hair all over his body. Rodrick, still a hellion, now faces the fact that he has to actually put effort in his work if he hopes to achieve anything in life...and to win over his attractive tutor and fellow student.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Anything in bold will be Greg's or Rodrick's thoughts.

* * *

Growing Pains

 _September_

"Greg," Rodrick said while poking his little brother. Greg slightly stirred but continued to sleep nonetheless.

"Greg," he repeated more intensely. Greg still slept away.

"GREG!" He shouted. Snapping awake, the younger Heffley glared at Rodrick, who was dressed in school friendly attire, complete with a black book bag….

"I know you're just pranking me again so just leave me alone!" he spat. He did this before, when Greg was about to enter middle school. Rolling his eyes, Rodrick pulled out his cell phone.

"Oh really? My clock must be lying then," he admitted mockingly. The clock on his phone read 6:00 am. Greg read it and got out of the bed, still suspicious. Rodrick could have easily changed the time on his phone just to prank him, like that one time they went to Six Flags America, and Rodrick purposely changed his phone clock to 3 am just so he can mess with Greg. He wasn't stupid.

He walked downstairs to see if his parents were downstairs. To his shock, their mom was making breakfast while their dad dressed Manny for preschool, which meant that he wasn't being punked. He awkwardly looked up towards his brother, who was upstairs smirking.

"I would get ready if I were you," he warned, "Eighth grade is probably going to be the worst year of your life. Other than 10th grade that is," he said, pushing Greg aside so that he walk to the kitchen. "Oh and dude? I would wanna check my face and body if I were you," he finally stated. Greg shot a confused look and went into the bathroom.

When he looked into the mirror, he jumped back in shock.

On his forehead, a small zit appeared. The rest of his face? Acne. Was that some traces of hair on his upper lip?

He rubbed his hair, and panicked at the amount of grease in his hair. It was never that oily a couple of months ago. His underarms? Hair. His chest? More hair. His legs? Sweet Jesus, more hair. Why couldn't his deeper voice and slight muscle buildup be enough for his body? No, it just had to stick it to him like it like all those other eighth graders.

How had he not noticed all this over the summer? Sure his parents kept sending him these wistful looks and he found his brothers sending him odd looks but this?

He had officially had become one of the very freaks he complained about when he first went into middle school.

* * *

After showering and getting dressed, he went downstairs to the kitchen. To his embarrassment, his parents took notice of his face.

"Wow, Greg, you're starting to look like a man every day," his father complimented warmly, making Greg emit a soft whining sound.

"Bubby big now?" Manny asked while shoving a sausage into his mouth. Manny eating will eternally be disgusting to him. However, instead of whining about it, however, Greg just quietly took a seat next to Rodrick.

"My son is growing up so fast!" His mom said with a sparkle in her eyes. Greg just wanted to die in a ditch somewhere.

"Looking good Greggy," Rodrick mocked. Their parents continued to smile, not catching on to Rodrick's sarcasm.

"I think it's time for you to see Gammie," his dad said. Greg's eyes widened in horror; Gammie Heffley, his great grandmother, was essentially the matriarch of his dad's side of the family who gave out embarrassing talks to any family member who was going through puberty at the moment.

Which was _him_.

After breakfast, he got into Rodrick's van, with no emotion on his face. He was not looking forward to everybody, _especially_ Holly, seeing his new acne-infested face.

Sensing his brother's nervousness, Rodrick decided to throw his little bro a bone and give him actual device.

"Look Greg," he started, "I wasn't kidding when I said that eighth grade is the worst year of your life. If people weren't putting pressure on your grades last year, then they'll do it here. And graduation? Have fun getting lecture after lecture about how every bad thing you'll do this year will affect your graduation and what high school you'll get into. If you were starting to lose your best friend last year, then you will officially lose that here. You and Baby Hippo may actually break apart forever, sorry, that's life. Stay _especially_ low this year, because if you don't, your life will suck in high school," he warned as he drove up to Greg's school.

"Thanks," Greg mumbled as he got out the car.

 _ **(This is going to be the worst year of life. I look like a freak!)**_

* * *

He wasn't feeling any better when Rowley walked up with a deeper voice but with no acne on his face.

"Hey Greg!" He greeted.

"Hey," he mumbled. He turned towards his friend and cringed when he got a good look at Rowley's outfit. He had on a large cowboy hat, a leather vest with a white shirt underneath, leather boots, and a rope attached to his side.

"It's my outfit my parents bought me when we went to Texas, remember?' Rowley said noticing Greg's pained facial expression. At the end of the summer, the Jefferson's went on a weeklong trip to Texas to visit some family members.

"Yeah, I do. Um…cool outfit," Greg lied. For some reason he could not bring himself to scold his friend for wearing a lame outfit this time. He just let it go.

Walking in the front door, Greg expected something different. Maybe the kids in his grade would no longer raise hell in the front halls?

Instead, something worse had taken over the kids this year. The disease called _adolescence_. There was a bigger hierarchy in the eighth grade than it was the last two year. Girls who used to be best friends had now fallen into clicks; shutting out anyone who wasn't like them. Guys did the same thing with the Jock/Nerd divide being greater and more brutal, as poor tiny Chirag could attest as he was being shoved into a locker by a six feet tall boy.

Kids who used to be attractive now were all covered in zits and pimples, something that gave slight satisfaction to Greg. Even Patty Ferrell was sporting some blemishes on her face.

That didn't stop her from being a horrible person though.

"Heffley, you look so…hideous," she cackled as she walked past him. "And don't even think about running for class president!"

Muttering a certain word that rhymes with witch, Greg and Rowley continued towards their new lockers, which was conveniently placed next to each other.

Only problem was that two kids, a boy with blond hair and brown eyes and girl with long brown hair and green eyes, were currently making out on them. That was another problem; all couples wanted to do nothing but make out instead of previously just holding each other hands. It disgusted Greg.

Disgust is why he suddenly got the courage to tap on the male's shoulder. The male, Michael Sampson, whipped to face him, angry.

"What do you want, _wimp?_ " He spat. Greg crossed his arms, showing no fear. Despite Michael being the second most popular guy in school behind Bryce Anderson, he did not intimidate Greg. It was most likely because Michael was just some rich kid with no muscle to back up his threats.

"You guys are on our lockers!" Greg said.

"And so what? What are you going to do about it? " Michael challenged. By then, some kids began to crowd around them. The girl, Abigail Brown, rolled her eyes.

"Let it _go_ , Michael! Come on, let's go someplace else," she said while dragging him off by the collar on his polo shirt. The small crowd dispersed, leaving an annoyed Greg and a fearful Rowley.

"What if they like get you afterwards?" Rowley asked with widened eyes. To his confusion, Greg just shrugged in response. He and Rowley sat down in front of their lockers, watching the kids walk by. Fregley was still a weirdo, asking a black girl if she wanted to pop his new zit. The girl politely declined and opened up her locker.

"This year might not be so bad," Rowley said, hopeful. _**(Yeah right**_.)

The homeroom bell rang and the boys walked to their class.

In homeroom, they passed around new math textbooks for everybody.

 _ **(My school couldn't afford new books so usually we would just get hand me downs from the previous class. But when you get a book that ten kids had before you, it makes it hard to any actual learning.)**_

Greg checked the pages in his textbook to make sure that there weren't any really gross drawings in there like last when he had Bryan Goot's textbook. That textbook was atrocious. What he did discover was that the textbook formerly belonged to Jordan Jury, one of the most popular kids in his grade. Jordan was held back a year, which didn't curb his popularity one bit. Greg couldn't judge because, well, Rodrick would have been held back at least six times if Dad didn't do all of his assignments since middle school. Dad would rather stick his head in an oven than allow any one of his sons to repeat a grade. Jordan was popular mainly because he threw these big blowout parties that only the coolest kids were allowed into. If maybe, just maybe, he could get on Jordan's good side then he could be invited to one of his blowout parties.

He felt a tap on his shoulder, he turned around and to his happiness, it was Holly, his girlfriend.

"Hey Greg!"

"Hey Holly!"

"This is gonna be great year, right?"

With her here, this year won't be so bad after all.

* * *

Nobody paid attention to Rodrick Heffley in the halls and he preferred to keep it that way. Summertime's over but the first thing kids want to talk about is Heather Hill's Sweet 16. Just his luck. He was hoping that everybody forgot about that just like they did the talent show.

The people that did notice him snickered like a bunch of hyenas when he walked by. Not to mention one of Heather's friends "accidently" bumped into him with a freezing cold iced coffee in her hand.

In homeroom, the teacher, Mrs. Hall, decided to give a 15 minute speech on how important year senior was and that life after high school was not sunshine and rainbows. Like no kidding; His parents gave him the same (but much longer) speech the night before. He was sick of hearing it.

To his embarrassment, she kept him after class after the bell rung.

"Rodrick, I've heard about you from other teachers and I think it would be wise for you to get a tutor," She advised bluntly.

"Err…no. I think I'm fine," he rejected. He didn't need a lame, stuck up tutor who would most likely talk trash about him behind his back. No thanks.

"Rodrick, it's alright to accept help. It doesn't make you "weak" or "dumb"," she persisted. The urge to roll his eyes was strong. "That's why I'll recommend you to one of our top students, Bobbi Rivers. You'll be able to find her in second period. She's African-American, medium height, with braids in her hair and a blue headband. She has her name on her honor student tag. She's very kind; I'm sure you two will get along fine together," she said, giving him an encouraging smile.

"Thanks," he mumbled. It was only the first day of school and yet somebody had already forced a tutor on him. He was sure he wasn't _that_ stupid.

His first class was Spanish 4. After learning that colleges only required two years of a language, Rodrick tried his hardest to sway his parents into not making him take Spanish 3 and 4, but they would not let up. "Learning multiple languages will enable you to get a lot of jobs," his mom had said. Pfft, like he was going to get a real job. He was going to be rock star!

Plus, he nearly failed Spanish 1, 2, and 3 for the year; he barely knew Spanish besides "Hola" and how to count from one to ten. He wasn't getting any "real" job opportunities any time soon if ever. He would have been frightened by the aspect of failing this class if it weren't for the fact that the woman teaching Spanish 4 was fresh out of college and this was her first teaching class, so that meant she was most likely a pushover.

His next class was Honors English…wait what? Oh right, his dad been doing his work for four years. Dad was a _very_ good writer, and no English teacher was smart enough to realize that his parent has been doing his homework for years. It made for hysterical reactions from other teachers when his English teachers said that he was an "excellent student in their class".

However, the teacher that was teaching it this year nearly made Rodrick wet his pants in fear. Mr. Thompson was his study moderator last year and he wasn't very… _fond_ of him. If he did anything that was leaning even the slightest towards bad, Mr. Thompson automatically sent him to the Student Affairs office. Granted, putting tacks on his seat on the first day of Junior Year and wrecking havoc in the cafeteria with Ben and Chris every day was not smart but honestly, what else was there to do in Study?

When the bell rang, the teacher stood in front of the class and began to speak.

"As you all probably know by now, I'm Mr. Thompson. I'm your senior year English teacher. Some say I'm the toughest English teacher while others say Mrs. Rontello is," he paused and glared for a second, "she's _not._ Those sophomores have no idea of what they're talking about. Anyway, English is your most important class in high school, without it, how will you be able to get a job? No one wants an illiterate fool as an employee. How will you survive in college? If you can't write a one paragraph essay, how will you write a forty page paper?"

This was the same speech every English teacher said. Isn't writing supposed to be all about creativity?

"In this class, we're going to read all the classics; Literature that is actually thought provoking and intelligible. None of that Twilight garbage."

Several girls pouted in response.

"I want nothing but cooperation and respect in this class, or else it is an immediate trip to the Green Room."

Scary stuff. Except not really…mostly.

"I know for a fact that none of your entitled brats actually keep your phones in your lockers where it is supposed to be. Therefore I want you to keep your book bags in front of the classroom and only take out two pens, a notebook, a folder, a binder, and a highlighter. Anything else is an automatic demerit. I will take possession of your phones if I see them until your parents come up to retrieve it themselves."

And they wonder why kids think schools are prisons…

"Any gum, candy, or drink, I'm tossing it into the trash and giving you two demerits."

What if it's good for the student's health?

"We'll be reading seven books as befitting for an Honors English class."

Seven?

….. _Seven?_

"You will have plenty of assignments this year, and guess what? If you miss ANY of them, that's an automatic 20 points off your grade. I accept NO late assignments. I refuse to give out extra credit or class participation grades."

How did he walk into this nightmare? Why was his dad so good that he wound in an HONORS class? The frick?

"You are to only speak when spoken to, otherwise you seat straight up with your hands folded, and eyes centered only on the smart board, textbook, assigned book, or me. You will never have any bathroom breaks unless it is an emergency. Retests are not an option, nor is curving your grades, allowing late entries into class, and excuse of any kind as to why you couldn't do a simple assignments. Repeated failures to do assignments are an automatic trip to the Green Room."

Is this divine punishment for being a delinquent since middle school?

"When called upon, you will present yourself in a proper manner with your voice and answer loud, clear, and intelligent. Not paying attention will gain a demerit and an automatic trip to the Green Room."

He obviously finally made the Man Upstairs so angry that He sent him into Hell.

"If I catch you sleeping, it is an automatic trip to the Green Room with 5 demerits."

Hell really was a bad place after all.

"If I catch you cheating on an assessment, then not only will I rip your test to shreds in front of the entire class, then I also send you down to the Green Room with 7 demerits and note to see your parents."

Seriously, what had he done to God to justify him being sent into this circle of Hell?

"Accept these rules, and you will have a splendid year. Fail to comply, and I will find a way to ruin your precious prom or your diplomas that you brats think you're so entitled to."

The bell rang, and Mr. Thompson smiled the most disturbingly sweet smile Rodrick had EVER seen in his entire life.

"I hope we have a _wonderful_ year together."

His classmates practically bolted the classroom, probably to the Academic Affairs office to beg Ms. Teal for a track change.

As he walked to Personal Finance( he wasn't taking that Pre-Calc class. His Algebra 2 teacher even refused to sign him on to that class), he felt a tap on his shoulders, and turned around…and witnessed a shocking sight.

A girl, that most definitely fit the description of Bobbi Rivers, smiled brightly at him. "Do you happen to be Rodrick Heffley?"

She was hot. Like really hot, even more than Heather Hills and his ex, Lindsey.

"Uh…yeah," he stumbling, cursing himself inside. She clapped her hands in an adorable manner. "Cool! Mrs. Hall said that you might have some problems with some classes?"

"Yeah," he said a bit more enthusiastically than normal. She patted his shoulder.

"Well, if you need any help, then I'm happy to help! Here's my number!"She handed him a blue piece of paper and walked off .

 **(This year is looking quite awesomely for me.)**

* * *

He and Rowley actually managed to get good seats in the cafeteria. However, if the cliques were bad in sixth grade, then they're terrifying here. He looked over to Jordan Jury and his band of cronies at the table next to him.

 **("Jordan cronies would follow anything he does even if it makes them looks stupid.")**

"Hey, did you guys hear that noise?" Jordan asked, holding his ear out.

"Yeah!" One kid lied.

"I did!" Another one lied.

"What is it?" A third one added to the lies.

"Nevermind. My hearing's bad."

"Mine's too!"

"I have the same problem!"

"I'm going to the doctor's next week!"

Although it could get annoying, Greg didn't mind the equal balance in his and Rowley's friendship. At least Rowley wasn't a darn sheep.

* * *

When they got out of school, Rodrick pulled up in his van with an unnatural sweet smile on his face.

Greg and Rowley looked at him disturbed.

"Hey little bro and his best buddy! Wanna go out for ice cream? My treat!" Rodrick suggested cheerfully.

Greg pinched himself to make sure this wasn't a nightmare. Did Rodrick meet a girl? "Sure. Why so happy today?"

Rodrick let out a dreamy sigh. "Life is just so beautiful, y'know? It's like today was a special godsend just for me."

He met a girl. No way was he acting this happy on purpose.

Greg continued to look at his brother suspiciously as the older Heffley drove off to the local ice cream harbor.

* * *

Yeah...if you've read my previous story, Five Times, then this is just a full version of that. That was mainly a preview, this will reboot that story in some ways considering some choices I made writing this.


	2. Chapter 2

On Friday, Rowley was talking about how he was seeing Joshie tonight. Personally, Greg didn't see the big hype around a singer that was another abomination from Disney Channel but his friend can listen to whatever he likes.

However, Greg really wished that Rowley was actually doing something _cool_ tonight. These days, every kid in his grade was posting awesome photos of how awesome their lives were. Whether it was pics of some sweet party (that he wasn't invited to), some big concert with awesome performers (that his parents would never let him go to because there's too much "inappropriate" activities being done there), some cool vacation (that his family will never go on), or something else, everybody seemed to be having fun these days.

So Greg decided to do something about it.

 **(I don't want people thinking MY life is lame, so I decided to take some pictures to show how great things are going for me. All you really need is a digital camera and a photo editing program and you can make it look like you're having a total blast.)**

Using Photoshop, Greg managed to stick cutouts of himself in all kinds of pictures. Suddenly, he was at the football games, the cheerleader tryouts, the sleeping parties, the water park, and Jordan Jory's birthday parties. Surely, these pics will make him SUPER popular.

He was in the middle of taking selfies of himself at a fake New Year's party, when his mother walked in.

"What are you doing?" His mother asked, crossing her arms. She took one look at Greg's computer and immediately paled. "Are you…you taking pictures of yourself and posting it on the internet?"

"Uh yeah?" Greg responded. "I'm going to be super popular!"

"Delete it now! You don't know what high schools or jobs could be looking at your pictures! Remember what I told your brother?"

"But Mo-"

"Do as I say. You may think you look cool now, but what if somebody looked at your photos and rejected your college application or job opportunity? You need to get rid of these pictures, NOW!"

 **(But I'm too young to be even thinking about college!)**

* * *

His parents ruined everything; Greg accepted that now as the family ate dinner. No matter what he did, his family has to mess it up somehow. He glared jealously at Rodrick, who seemed to walking on air. Apparently, Rodrick had found himself in love with another girl despite the Heather Hills disaster. Rodrick never really took long with being interested in a brand new girl.

"So, Rodrick, this is going to be the most important year of your life," his father started.

"You said that last year," Rodrick said in his dream state.

"I know, but when you're applying to colleges, the first they look at is your first semester grades."

"I'm not going to college," his brother answered flatly, and Greg knew a fight was coming.

"Honey, college is going to provide you with many job opportunities," his mother explained, already getting exasperated.

"Who needs jobs when one's going to be a rock star?" His brother smirked, now leaving Cloud 9.

"And what if this dream of yours fails?" His father prodded, growing tense.

Rodrick shrugged. "I'll simply work at McDonald's or something. But that'll never happen to me."

His parents looked like they wanted to vomit right there.

"We're gonna get back to that later," his father said, trying his hardest to stay calm.

"So what are you thinking about doing Greg?" His mother directing at him, smiling nervously.

"Oh I'm thinking about moving to Hollywood to get my acting career going. I'll be famous! No need for college!" Greg said, hi fiving his brother. While he was certain Rodrick would never have a rock career at the rate his band was going, Greg was certain was he was charming or attracting enough to be the next Tom Cruise.

Their parents now looked like they're were going to explode.

"Ooookay. Manny, what do you want to be?" His father asked his other brother.

"Astronaut!" Manny exclaimed, and his parents smiled warmly.

"Aww, our little man! You want to go the moon?" His mother cooed, and his parents began to heap praises upon Manny.

Greg long accepted that Manny was the favorite child, but honestly, how could they even think that his little brother was going to be anything other than a serial killer? Manny has gotten kicked out by his third pre-school because he keeps biting the other kids. Like how was his parents not worried about that?

Of course his parents would look over that because Manny was their perfect prince, and he and Rodrick were just court jesters.

* * *

Wednesday

Advanced Health class was probably the vilest and disgusting class he had ever taken. He learned information about his body parts that he never wanted to learn about. Why? Why did middle schoolers need to learn about body parts and birthing videos now? Wasn't that for high school?

And of COURSE Rowley had to faint in the middle of class because he wasn't mature enough to handle such a topic. He couldn't even tie his shoelaces, how did the school expect him to handle reproductive classes?

He bet that the girls were having a blast in a separate room, because girls _always_ seemed to have it better at school. They got the better grades, the better projects, and the most support. The girls' sports teams seemed to be better supported than the boys'.

Fregley was having a ball harassing every male in his about "zits", "blackheads", "testes", and the big one, "Penis". Then again, every male in his class was having fun laughing about penises, testicles, and prostates. In fact, that might have considered the best part about today's lesson. He didn't why he kept getting stuck with all these brainless jerks.

Turns out, the girls didn't have it better after all. He heard them mumbling about "periods", "vagina discharges", and "cramps".

Holly walked up next to him, looking slightly traumatized. She kissed him on the cheek. Smiling, he turned to face her. Holly was so pretty, so perfect. He couldn't believe that a girl like her was into a guy like him. It was like a dream he didn't want to wake up from.

"Hey Holly! What did you guys do?"

She scrunched her face up. "Some really interesting things…that I'm not sure that I really wanted to learn in the first place."

"Me neither, why do we need to learn these things anyway?"

"Because it's important to know your body so you won't get any health problems, STDs, or unwanted pregnancies," a gentle yet firm voice suddenly said. Greg and Holly turned around to face the owner of the voice.

It was the same girl that Fregley asked to look at his zit on the first day of school. She was African-American in appearance with medium length black hair held underneath a pink headband. She wore a dark pink pleated skirt and a black short sleeved blouse underneath a pale pink sweater vest. Her posture was kind of stiff, and her dark brown eyes seemed like steel from behind thick black glasses.

"Oh…that's cool," Holly said awkwardly, not knowing to respond to that,

"Did you know that young people, between the ages of 15 and 24 accounts for 50% percent of all STDs? And about 61% of pregnancies are unintended?"

"No, but now I'm a little creeped out now," Greg replied, uncomfortable. How did she know all this information?

"You should be. Unprotected sex is a very dangerous issue in this country, yet most schools don't know how to go about it. 90% of high schools teach about abstinence and STDs, yet lower than 60% actually talk about contraceptive methods. We need to know then just about our bodies, and not to have sex. For many humans, Sex is an innate desire, especially for hormonal teens such as us. We need to know more proper sex education like how to put on condoms, use birth control, or how to deal with unwanted pregnancies. All options that are legal in this country on family planning is perfectly acceptable."

"Wow, you seem to know a lot about this topic," Greg said, slightly impressed. He didn't think he'd find a kid his age actually interested in learning outside of school. It almost made him care about learning.

"It comes from personal experience, my mother is a doctor," the girl explained.

"What kind?" Holly asked.

Something in the girl's demeanor shifted. Suddenly, she became as still as a statue. "A doctor," she said flatly. She turned around and walked as far away from them as possible.

The young couple looked at her retreating frame.

"That's weird," Greg said, "It's like she hiding something."

Holly frowned. "Perhaps I offended her. I'll apologize the next time I see her."

"You don't have to apologize for anything."

"If I hit a sore spot, I should. Now if only I knew her name."

Greg strangely wanted to know her name as well for some reason.

* * *

"Rodrick, is that your new tutor?" Ben asked, eyes widening. Rodrick looked up from eating his crappy lunch (why did he get a burger again? Those patties tasted way too fake!), and saw Bobbi taking a seat at their lunch table.

"Hot girls never sit at our table," Chris whispered to Ward in shock.

"Hey!" The girl greeted, smiling sweetly.

"Sup?" Rodrick replied, finding himself grinning as well. "What brings you here at our table?"

"I wanted to get to know my new study buddy! And plus…I have no friends to sit with."

The entire band look at her like she grew six heads.

"What? A lovely lady like you don't have any friends?" Ben asked, and Rodrick scowled at him. Excuse him, Bobbi was tutoring HIM, not Ben.

She shook her head rather cheerfully. "No its okay. You see, my best friend is at another high school so I'm here by myself. I can be quite the loner, so it's hard to make friends."

"I don't believe it," Rodrick said, folding his arms in defiance. This pretty girl was a loner? No way, she looked like she belonged to the popular kids' crowd, or the honors' crowd.

Giggling, Bobbi took out a piece of loose-leaf, and placed it in front of Rodrick. She also gave him a black pen.

"Put your name, phone number, and main interests so I get to know you better," Bobbi explained. Within a minute, Rodrick had scrambled all the information down, making his band mates snicker.

"Desperate," Ben whispered to Chris in laughter. Rodrick was content to ignore them.

"Wow, eager to learn aren't ya?" Bobbi said, blinking her eyes in astonishment.

"Learning is key to a successful life," he lied, "I wouldn't want to miss an opportunity for extra help in my senior year."

"Are you hearing him right now?" Chris whispered to Ben back. Rodrick continued to ignore them.

"So, tell me about you," Rodrick asked, grinning. He needed to know about his future girlfriend so he can woo the pants off of her.

She looked up in thought for a moment, and then she met his eyes. "Well, as you already know, my name is Bobbi, or at least that's my nickname. My full name is actually Roberta Rivers, Bobbi for short. People who are really close to me tend to call me "Bobs". I'm seventeen, and I love fantasy books, video games, and horror, specifically slasher movies."

"Really?" Rodrick said in excitement.

"Yeah. Slashers are the best, especially Freddy movies."

He pouted, and she gave him an amused look. "Let me guess. Jason fan?"

"Jason is _awesome_. Dude has hacked over 200 hundred people in the most creative you can imagine, how can you NOT love him?"

"Because—," she started but paused. She smirked. "Geez, I almost lost myself there. It's like debating with my sister. Anyway, I want to major in Film in college, and I have had a part time job at Six Flags America since I was 14."

Loded Diper dropped their jaws to the floor and they looked at her in silence for about 30 seconds.

" _You work there?_ " Ward said, eyes widening like saucers.

"That's so freaking _sweet_!" Rodrick nearly squeaked out. That was like the only place he even considered working at. To work at an amusement park? That must be the sweetest job ever! Season passes, park benefits, and getting an opportunity to make out with a hot girl under a ride? Who wouldn't work there?

"It's not," She responded flatly, making the band aghast at such a statement.

"What do you mean?" He responded as politely as he could. She frowned.

"Douchie customers demanding for a refund you can't give them? Having to always look happy for the kiddies? Getting paid really low minimum wage because you're considered a lazy whiny teen and not a hardworking adult that tragically lost their job? So-hideous-they're-offensive uniforms? Having to repeat the same phrase over and over again for 3-4 hours straight? Having to work longer hours often because some people don't want to do their jobs? You have no ideas of the horrors you have to face when working at an amusement park, especially working as a ride operator."

"You work as a ride operator?" He said, interested. That sounded really awesome. He pictured himself operating all the cool coasters at the park, like Roar, Mind Eraser, Man of Steel, Joker's Jinx, and other awesome rides. Now that was a job he could get with.

"Yeah, I currently operate the Penguin's Blizzard River ride in the Gotham City ride. Though when I was younger, I worked in the arcade section because it was the least harmful job they could give me according to state law. I'm so glad I never got to clean the bathrooms ."

"Oh, I _love_ water rapid rides."

Mainly because it was hilarious seeing Greg always ending up in the seats that that got soaked the most. "And you worked the arcade?"  
"Most hideous uniforms ever," she said, shivering, "However it was much better than working as a ride operator. It seems that as I got older, I was promoted to more dangerous jobs."

"We should work there," Ben said, directing his comment to the entire band.

"You don't want to," Bobbi pleaded.

"But we wanna!" Rodrick pouted, pulling his classic puppy look. Girls always fell for that.

Bobbi folded her arms in a manner Rodrick found rather cute. "Fine. But you'll learn. I work part time three days a week: Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. So I can't tutor you on Fridays. Right now since I don't know you that well, I prefer we have our tutoring sessions after school in the study hall."

He nodded. One of the after school programs was the tutoring sessions, usually students were given an hour while the sports teams had their practices outside. It was fine for now. However, soon he was gonna have her over his house, and he'll really pull out the stops.

"Well, I mean school just started, so I doubt I'm failing anything so far," He responded. He knew he wasn't the brightest light bulb, but he wasn't completely brainless.

She smiled sweetly at him again. "Well I'm always here if you need me."

She got out of her seat and walked back over to the previous table she was sitting at.

The band looked at Rodrick with excited and hyper looks on their faces.

"Man, you HAVE to date her! How many girls are gonna be like that?" Chris exclaimed, shaking the older Heffley brother from across the table.

"Yeah, dude, she's totally into you," Ben nodded, grinning wolfishly.

"Don't let her go," Ward, ever the quiet one, simply stated.

With the dopiest look he could manage, Rodrick grinned as if he was hopping around in a field full of bunnies.

" _I know_ ," Rodrick said, dreamily.

 **(She's perfect. Like super perfect, even more than Heather. Like she's gonna be my girlfriend before the end of the first semester.)**

* * *

Later, after he went home with Rodrick, Greg was treated to yet another display of his older brother acting way out of a character.

Rodrick was talking to Mom. Neither of them ever liked talking to their mother about their issues, particularly about girls.

"Mom, I think she's the one," Rodrick said with a goofy grin on his face. Their mother patted his head affectionately.

"Aw, honey, that's great. I'm glad you like your tutor so much."

No doubt their mom was secretly hoping this new tutor that got his brother acting like he was shot by Cupid's arrow would convince Rodrick to do something with his life.

A shocked expression then crossed her face. "Oh that reminds me! Boys, your uncle Gary is getting married in November to his girlfriend, Sonja!"

" _Again?_ " The brothers said at the same time in confusion.

"Yes _again_ ," their father said as he suddenly walked into the kitchen. Frank Heffley had a look of absolute annoyance on his face at the thought of attending another wedding of his brother. He muttered words about "When is Gary going to actually form a stable relationship?" as he got a can of Pepsi out of the fridge.

Gary Heffley was the unspoken disappointment of his father's side of the family. He never went to college, he never had a stable job, and he was always moving somewhere, never holding a stable apartment either. Basically he was what their dad feared Rodrick would turn into. After all, Rodrick seem to inherit many of Uncle Gary's negative traits….

His uncle's biggest flaw was his relationships. Uncle Gary was the type of person who dived into relationships far too deeply with others before he could really get to know them. And when he did, the relationship would go down in flames. His first wife, Linda, (who he married after two months of dating) didn't know that he worked as a crappy kids' party dinosaur until the day of their wedding, his second wife, Charlene, sadly left his uncle after mistaking that he had forty five thousand dollars in the bank (he had only forty five bucks) and being forced to pay for the band at their wedding, and his third wife, Lydia…well he never found out why Uncle Gary divorced her, he only heard vague creepy things about her. He married three times so far at the not so old age of 35; compared to his dad, who fell in love with Mom when they were young teenagers, that was really sad.

Greg looked over to the refrigerator, where Uncle Gary's previous wedding pictures lay. At this point, the Heffley children didn't need actual childhood photos, all people who were interested could just look at Uncle Gary's wedding albums. Mom didn't even bother to put up a full picture of his uncle's third bride; she just cut out and slapped a picture of her head on the second wife.

"Is the reception going to be at Gammie's house again?" Rodrick asked, referencing their grandmother.

"Yup," their dad popped. He then walked over and patted Greg on the shoulder sympathetically. "It's your turn Kiddo. Hope Gammie doesn't bring out the warts."

"Or the STDs chart," Rodrick shivered.

"Or goes into graphic detail about sex. I never looked at your great-granddad the same way afterwards."

Father and son walked past Greg, whistling awkwardly. His mother gave him a comforting glance and walked off as well, hearing the likely sound of Manny breaking something.

Greg was left all alone in the kitchen.

 **(Uncle Gary needs to cancel his engagement right now! I don't want to get "The Talk" from Gammie! No, no, no! She doesn't even know how to text or send emails; I always have to write and send out a letter! How is she going to give me a life lesson on growing up! NO! I am going to find a way to get out of this wedding I swear!)"**

At this point, Greg knew that there were going to be two outcomes. A) He was going to go to the wedding and have that super uncomfortable talk with Gammie, or B)…

He was going to get out of it. But how was the question.

He needed an excuse real fast if he wanted to avoid The Talk with Gammie.

* * *

Thanks to BadWolfBabe for reviewing!


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